February 6, 2014 by Brian
That’s right. They don’t take what you say literally. Instead, they process it through their filter that instinctively tells them you have an ulterior motive, like: You are trying to get some. You want her to just hurry up and get ready. Or, they think you HAVE to say nice things, because you are their husband/boyfriend/father, etc.
All this is to say that the desire to be “beautiful” is built into to most women’s DNA. How then, are they also wired to be so self critical? Have you ever heard a woman compliment herself while looking in the mirror? No. They are hyper judgmental of themselves and the way they look. It isn’t about trying to look like the cover girl on a magazine either. The most attractive women – the ones on the cover – they, too, find fault in the way they look, and describe themselves as uglier than they really are.
It’s true. Check out this 3 minute video. It’s proof.
We watched the guy version, too. Hilarious! “Dude. You suck at drawing.” Haha.
So, women are naturally critical of themselves, and a bit insecure about their beauty. What role, if any, do we have in combating this? Against external forces/people, we instinctively come to the defense of the women in our lives. What if the critic is the woman herself? How do we combat that? Should we?
We concluded that the answer is yes. Definitely yes. But…it isn’t a problem we can tackle directly. When they are describing the way they appear on the outside, they are likely giving us a peek into the way they are feeling on the inside. We cannot fix the way the feel inside by complimenting them on the way they look on the outside.
What we can do is tell them how “beautiful” they are in areas other than the physical. What are the things about her that you find impressive and irresistible? Is she a good friend? Is she loyal? Does she do a great job being a mom, and raising kids? Is she smart? Confident? Does she have a specific talent that is amazing? Tell her! Don’t fake it; she’ll see through that. But, don’t leave unspoken the things you find beautiful about her.
Check out our previous post “Nothing Allows a Woman to be Beautiful Like the Strength of Her Man.” In it you will learn the three things that women need most from us. These are the areas that should be the target for most of our compliments. Women are afraid (they won’t admit it) that we are going to lose interest in them if we discover their flaws. So, they try to hide them for as long as possible.
It is largely a waste of time telling your woman that she looks beautiful. Instead, you have to do the things that make her feel beautiful.
And by the way…we owe this same thing to our daughters, moms, and all the other women in our lives.