May 30, 2013 by Andrew Van der Burgt
This week’s Holy Smokes was another week of a solid bunch of guys, getting together and having a beverage, some great food off the grill and conversation to ultimately become better Men.
This week’s topic was around the idea of “Owning It”. We watched a short video from author Wayne Levine. Wayne Levine wrote a book for men titled, “Hold on to your Nuts”. A great read with some interesting perspective on “stuff” all guys can work on.
The video talked to the point of not externalizing and taking accountability for one’s self and one’s action. We all encounter time when our initial reaction is to get mad, get loud, basically, get pissed. The short video presents the idea of taking a breath, a moment to think through our response and situations.
A great part of the evening was when one of our Holy Smoke’ers described work experience that he was dealing with at that moment. He wanted some perspective, some thoughts on how he was reacting to his issue, how others would react. It was awesome to see guys that 6-8 weeks ago either just met or where friends focus and provide an environment that someone could benefit from the group support and insight. Men need Men to talk to, to work with, and to help become better Men. Don’t misunderstand me, we love our family, our wife’s, our girlfriends, but sometimes, you want to and need to just talk to Men.
Another conversation evolved as well. We talked about work and bring our work to our home especially when we had a bad day. Guys talked about what they do to cool down after a tough day at the “office”. One of the favorites was “go punish some steal” aka hit the gym. Some spoke about a 30 minute plus drive home helped cool down. Some spoke about going for a run when they got home. Others spoke about simply communicating to their wife/girlfriend that we had a bad day, and that in itself will help. Some guys presented thoughts on what NOT to do when you have a bad day. Don’t go home and have a cocktail because you need it, enjoy a cocktail because you want to. Don’t get overly pissed at your kids for not having a clean room, or pissed at your wife for misplacing the check book in car.
We had some great take-aways from the night.
If I always have to own it (apologize for doing something wrong/mistake), maybe I need to look at my behavior and change it.
Jesus was a bad ass on principle; I need to take a punch on the small stuff with my wife, family and friends. I feel it is ok to give a punch if it is a matter of principle.
I need to not sweat the small stuff and be in control of emotions.
Living with intentionality.
Don’t lose spirit, be a man.
It is import to say when you f*$% up.
Taking a punch many times is the right play, don’t lose it, own it.
Own up to your kids when you make a mistake or are wrong.
Men don’t like to admit when they are wrong, I need to work on that.
I need to look at and work on how I deal with my Dad, we both butt heads, I need to take a punch and not let the little things impact our relationship.
It is a lot harder to take a punch then give a punch, I need to work on taking punches.
Coming here makes me better though others strengths and weaknesses
If there is an issue that is not “divorce worthy”, I need to be able to let it go.