“The Poser and the Question”


April 8, 2013 by Brian

This week we watched another video from the Wild at Heart series titled “The Poser and the Question.”  The premise is that each of us has worked hard to develop a personality – an image – that is really just an elaborate disguise.  It isn’t necessarily fake, but it likely is a cover up for our greatest fear…being exposed.

Every man has a question to which he desperately needs an answer.  Do I have what it takes?  When it’s crunch time, will I be able to come through?  If everything comes down to me – just me – will I be able to pull it off?  Our fear, of course, is that we might not.  And, not knowing that we would, really knowing for certain, leaves us afraid to ever be in a situation to find out.  If the best answer we can come up with is “I think so,” or “maybe,” or “probably not,” then we live our life avoiding being put to the test.  We create a false image so that others will get the impression that we have what it takes, even though we aren’t sure ourselves.

A quick trip around the room, after watching the video, resulted in practically everyone admitting to being a poser about something.  Each had a particular insecurity that caused them to project a false image to disguise their fear of being exposed.  Here are a few examples:

“I hide behind my work, in order to avoid hard conversations with my kids.”

“People see me as successful, and I have helped create that image.  Really, I’m afraid people would’t like me if I wasn’t successful by the world’s standards.”

“I am very sarcastic.  Truth is I want to be liked and don’t want to risk having people see who I really am.”

“I hide behind my image of spirituality.  I have a fear of actually being used by God, not knowing what I might have to give up in order to follow him.”

“People tell me that I am a rock solid parent.  I put that image out there, but I am actually afraid that I am screwing it up every day.  I make a lot of mistakes.”

“I give off the image that I am a deep individual, but I am not ever really “present.”  I am always thinking about what is next.”

“People think I have a great marriage, that I am a perfect husband.  I’m afraid I’m going to screw it up again.  I’ve been divorced before and I don’t want to fail.”

“If you ask people about me, they will say that I am a tough guy – physically and mentally. I fear people wouldn’t respect me if I didn’t craft that image.”

“I work hard and long hours.  Truthfully, I do that because I don’t have to find out who I really am.”

The message of the video tells us that we won’t really know if we have what it takes until we face our fears, and do that which scares us.  Drop the pretend self, and start the journey. Each of us committed that this week we would do just that.

You can only find that out while you are doing something that makes you say “Oh my God…I am going to need your help with this.”

2 thoughts on ““The Poser and the Question”

  1. […] Know Each Other Very Well – By now our group understands the value in not posing. (Read previous post on that subject here). Having guys who know you well will make hiding behind your false self nearly impossible. One of the […]

  2. Kevin Manley says:

    Ivy Lane – Very thoughtful discussion on Wednesday. We talked about a lot of ways that we’re posing: to fit in, to be friendly, for comfort, to hide, etc. Sometimes poses are forced on us and sometimes we force them on others. Poses aren’t always bad, but we just need to be aware of when and why we are doing it.

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